Don’t Torture Me Bro!

I finished reading the Senate report on the CIAs “enhanced interrogation” techniques this week.  It was disturbing, to say the least.  I don’t know that I will ever understand the mindset of anyone who would willingly inflict mental or physical pain on another human being.  However, I have some suggestions for alternatives, which I don’t know about you, but just the threat of these would break me.

  • The Adam Sandler 24 hour film festival
  • The Early work of Jim Carey, esp. The Mask, and Ace Ventura, Pet Detective (one of only two movies I’ve ever walked out on in the theater)
  • The oevre of Gwen Stefani’s solo act on auto repeat.  I can only take so much rythmic chanting before I start to develop a tic.
  • A 24 hour Reality TV channel featuring the Kardashians, Honey Boo Boo, the Shark Tank, Ghost Adventures, and the Long Island Medium.
  • Anything that comes out of Sarah Palin’s mouth or keyboard.  How anyone can utter that much gibberish and still maintain any kind of credibility is beyond me. I fed one of her Facebook posts into a sentence diagrammer and my computer reported me for cruelty.
  • Being left in a room with nothing to read but Rod McKuen’s poetry and Harlequin Romance novels.
  • A menu of nothing but brains and eggs.  Probably the worst thing I have ever eaten.  Thanks Dad!
  • The Mannheim Steamroller Christmas Album we played at the Radio Shack I worked at for 4 Christmases straight.  I can still hear it in my sleep during the season.  One can only hear “Don We Now Our Gay Apparel” on a cheesy synthesizer before one becomes a Scrooge.
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