I’m losing my mind

Ever have one of those experiences that lead you to believe you are absolutely losing it?  Here’s what happened to me.  I’m very fond of listening to music at work.  Being ADD, it really helps me concentrate and stay focused.  It’s not so much a matter of even really listening with any intent, just that I’m able to ignore any other stimuli that might get me off on another tangent, or cosine as the case may be.

My favorite album right now is called Piramida by Efterkleng.  If you really like music that takes you places, this is an excellent choice.  I originally heard about it on NPR.  It is ethereal, mysterious and melodic.     I really enjoy it.  It’s one of my favorite albums from the last year or so, and I’ve been listening to it for a good long while.  However, I could have done without thinking I was losing my mind.

I work in a satellite office for the company I’m consulting to right now.  Often times, there is no one there, other than an engineering intern from the university.  I kept hearing someone say “Are we going?” and a voice responding “Yeah.” Except because of the earbuds I wear at work, it sounded like the voices were coming from the cubicle next to me.  Except no one was there.  It took me a while to figure out that it was happening during this one song.  Which was a relief, because I really thought I was losing my mind, auditory hallucinations and all.

It’s funny what we think is real when we’re not really paying attention.  George Takei recently posted something on Facebook that said the following:

Keeping the image of how our life should be often distracts us from being able to accept and embrace what life is.  Admittedly, it is nice to be able to escape to what life could be, as long as we don’t let ourselves fall into the trap of becoming angry and frustrated that life isn’t that way already.  Acceptance is something I often struggle with because I think “It shouldn’t be that way, it should be this way!” Railing against things you have no control over is essentially mental masturbation only without the payoff at the end, just endless wanking over missed opportunities and nursed grudges and injuries.

I’ve been an aspiring Buddhist for a long time (don’t have the discipline) but I think the idea that coming to terms with and gaining control over one’s own desires has a great deal to be said for it.  It’s not that you are detached, but that by becoming detached from your own ego, your own desires, you free yourself to attach your self to the rest of the world at a deeper, more fundamental level that you could have ever hoped for.

Despite being an agnostic for the most part (I define that as thinking finite creatures trying to define the infinite are incredibly narcissistic.)  I do think Jesus had it right.  Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, and in fact, go one step further, do unto others as they’d like you to do unto them.

Yes, I am rambling but it’s my blog.  If you want coherency, go somewhre else, you won’t find it here.


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